The Two Voices in My Head

and how I’m Learning to Listen to Tuk Tuk Matt

Yesterday, I had my second ketamine-assisted therapy session, and it was eye-opening. I realized there are two voices in my head.

The first pushed me to be sharp, fast, and productive. It is obsessed with winning. It wakes up with a plan, checks five things at once, and believes that value comes from doing, building, and proving. It’s helped me achieve a lot, but lately, it’s also been exhausting me.

The second voice is quieter. It doesn’t rush. It doesn’t need to impress anyone. It wants to explore, discover, and embrace new experiences. It shows up like a warm breeze on a hot day. I often ignore this one.

During my session, this voice was represented by a wise and warm Indian man on his Tuk Tuk, telling me to join him and this world of exploration and peace. I call this voice Tuk Tuk Matt. Here’s a representation of this voice:

Tuk Tuk Matt isn’t trying to get anywhere fast

He’s that part of me that remembers:

“Life isn’t a race. You’re allowed to move slow. You’re allowed to breathe.”

He wears soft orange clothes. He smiles at strangers.

He drives a tuk-tuk, not a fast car, not because he can’t afford one, but because he’s not in a hurry anymore.

The voice I usually listen to?

Let’s be honest: it’s the driver's voice.

The builder. The grinder. The one who needs to get better, grow faster, think deeper, and optimize everything.

It’s also the voice that says:

• “You’re falling behind.”

• “You should be doing more.”

• “Don’t stop, people will forget you.”

And it’s the one that keeps opening new tabs, refreshing Slack, asking ChatGPT one more question (😅), hoping that clarity or peace will come from more input.

But that voice doesn’t bring peace. It just loops over and over.

So what does Tuk Tuk Matt say?

• “You already know enough for today.”

• “Take the scenic route.”

• “The pressure you feel isn’t truth.”

• “Sit down. Breathe. You’re allowed to rest.”

And when I listen to him, even for a minute, something amazing happens: I feel free.

Not because I escaped anything, but because I stopped trying to be anything more than human.

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Why I’m writing this

Because I’m starting to understand that success didn’t make me whole. And more input doesn’t lead to more peace.

What I really want now is clarity, quiet strength, and inner direction, and that only comes when I make space for the second voice.

So I’m learning to listen. To pause. To go offline. To let Tuk Tuk Matt drive sometimes. And maybe, just maybe, that’s where the real journey begins.

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If you’re feeling burned out, scattered, or like you’re always chasing something, maybe it’s not because you’re lost. Maybe it’s just because you haven’t heard your own quieter voice in a long time. Let’s give him the wheel for a while.

- 🛺 Matt Delac