On love and freedom
My new chapter in life is here
Today I had my last session of ketamine therapy, and it was mind-blowing.
I entered another reality. A reality designed to create, to sing, to dance, to express.
And in that world, music, time, and space were just concepts.
There was no beginning or end to a song, no structure, no performance.
There was no time. No space.
Everything was infinite. The further you looked, the more there was.
Just like the universe, it is limitless and unfolding. In that space, there was no judgment. It was a non-judgmental world.
No “good” or “bad.” I could sing whatever I felt. Move however I wanted.
Just be.
It felt amazing.
It was peace.
It was freedom.
What is freedom?
It’s not money.
It’s not five villas and 50 cars.
Those things may provide access to flight tickets, food, and shelter, but they aren’t freedom.
Owning too much can even get in the way. Because freedom is not about having, it’s about allowing.
It’s the ability to do what you feel, in the moment.
To move from truth.
To be without shame.
Then came the moment that surprised me most.
I hugged myself.
Not mentally. Physically.
And I cried, I cried a lot!
Not from pain, but from recognition.
From the feeling of giving myself something I’ve always looked for outside:
Love. Wholeness. Permission.
It wasn’t ego-driven. It wasn’t performative.
It was authentic self-love.
Gentle. Comforting. True.
And now I finally believe in it, not in a narcissistic way, but in a way that says:
“You are already enough. You don’t need to be fixed to be loved.”
That hug… was something I’ll never forget.
What now?
I feel different. I feel light.
Not high. Not overwhelmed.
Just… ready.
Ready to open a new chapter in my life.
To explore.
To connect.
To accept myself fully, flaws and all.
To live freely.
To enjoy what life brings.
To open my eyes and just be.
Special thanks
To my therapist Ana, who, coincidentally, celebrated her birthday today. You have allowed me to be myself, encouraged me since the day we met, and helped me find my new path in life. Thank you and happy birthday!
To my good friends Greg, Alex, and Rasmus for picking me up after all my sessions and helping me turn these experiences into something meaningful.
To Ksusha, who has been by my side all these weeks and witnessed this transformation. Thank you for always being here.
To Silvia, for reading all my posts since I started this journey 3 weeks ago, and encouraging me to write more.
Last but not least, to my beautiful mother for listening to my learnings and sharing her precious wisdom with me.
It’s been a gift to discover this new path with all of you ❤️ Thank you so much.
— Matt Delac
Matt, your words are powerful and deeply touching. That moment of hugging yourself — pure, authentic love — gave me chills. You’ve captured the essence of real freedom so beautifully. Thank you for sharing your journey with such honesty.
Absolutely beautiful and so harmony! Happy New Chapter 🌿✨